nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize