My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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