I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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