Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
