batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize