He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
