Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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