It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
