Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
