I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
