Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
