DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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