i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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