It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
