First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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