I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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