Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
