Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
