Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
