Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
