I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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