you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
