My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
