I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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