Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
