The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
