i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
