Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
