I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
