God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
