guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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