You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
