a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
