i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize