So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
