Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
