forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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