just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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