The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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