Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
