Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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