The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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