So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
