I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
