whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
