Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
