I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
