Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
