Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize