So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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