I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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