I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You brought string cheese to the strip club
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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