Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need a beard to bite.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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