i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
