i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
