Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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