do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
