We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
