Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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