Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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