Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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