She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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