I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
