I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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