if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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